My life

The last few days have all been an awful blur really. Wednesday was a nice day, got some work done, chilled out and sunbathed, it was nice. But later that evening things got awful and my life completely blew into a million pieces. I was in a really awful place and didn’t know what was going to happen next. Mum booked the following afternoon off work, and got my nan and grandad to check on me in the morning because she didn’t want me to be alone. They came in, woke me up, made me shower and get ready and dragged me to the shop with them. I was pretty much just crying all round Lidl. After that they took me back to their house and gave me lots of food and tried to keep me busy, which I really appreciate. Once Mum got back from finishing work early she took me to Newport to try and get a pair of shorts she knew I really wanted. Annoyingly they still didn’t have my size. So she bought me a new bag instead. I also bought myself some new stocking tights and sunglasses as I have none.

After I got home, things slowly, very slowly, started to get better ever so slightly. Things are definitely better now but still not perfect. I just can’t believe how suddenly everything changed and made my future so unsure. But hey. Enough of that, things are on the up. I really appreciate my family being there for me like that.

Today I woke up feeling much better, went to the garden center with Nan and Mum, we had lunch there, a nice cheese, onion and tomato baguette with some orange juice. Had a laugh with Mum and Nan then we came home. I got bored and decided to wash my car, which I had to do at Nan and Grandads. Grandad decided to help me, and so in return I helped him wash his van which was fun. I then came home, cleaned all the windows inside and polished inside. So if anyone dares touch it, I will hurt you. Just about to have dinner, which will be the 2nd meal i’ve had in about 3 days. In about 40 minutes i’m gonna go down to my Dad and Liss’ house and see them for a little while.

I hope things just keep getting better from now on as yesterday and the evening before were the worst days of my life so far.

My whole world shatterd and fell to pieces last night :’( i feel so empty and dont know what to do with myself…

I was hoping to wake up and find it all to be an afwul nightmare, but it’s so real :( im heartbroken

I’ve just been so selfish and now I feel bad :( This is so hard tho, for the both of us. And now I can’t even apologise because he’s asleep :(

I just want him here.

My Mum has just informed me that our young neighbour Kiri passed away on Saturday. Very, very sad news. She died of cancer and left behind 3 very young children, the youngest child she only gave birth to about 2 weeks ago. I feel for the family so much. We never really got on as neighbours but it’s still an awful situation for them. So, RIP.

Besides that, today has been okay. Woke up very early, almost in tears from a bad dream that me and Jason had broke up, which set me in a rubbish state of mind. And nothing really picked up from there, except the beautiful weather. I left college early as I had finished all my prep work and just need to take all my photographs now. I ended up going into H&M on the way to the bus tho, and spotted an outfit I want to wear to Blink 182 on my birthday, which is just 2 weeks away. I bought the top but they didn’t have the shorts in my size, so i’m gonna go back later this week. After that I came home, went to Nan’s, picked Fluffy up and brought her back. Chilled out for about an hour then walked Jasper with Nan and Grandad. I took the camera and got some nice photographs!

Now to plan my day of photography tomorrow!

Today has been alright. Woke up this morning from a lovely text from my boy which was a nice start to the day. Once I finally got up, I did Zumba on the wii for about an hour. I then showered, head breakfast, washed up and sorted my stuff out. Walked Fluffy down to Nan’s got the car, brought it back home then packed in all my stuff for the carboot sale. I then drove back down to Nan’s, we all walked the dogs together which was nice in the sun :) At about 3.30pm I drove myself and Nan to brickfields where the carboot sale was. We had to wait till 4.30pm till we were actually allowed in to set up tho, which was annoying.

It was pretty busy for about an hour then it really died down, and people start packing up. We packed up at about 6.15pm as there were hardly any buyers left. I didn’t really sell that much, I made £18.10 haha every little helps when it comes to moving out tho. I sold loads of fishing stuff for Simon tho. A fishing rod, and loads of his homemade fishing weights. He made more than I did I think. Oh well. I also got a bit of a bargain for myself. A really nice brown jacket for just 50p, was well chuffed. But yeah, home now, having spinach ricotta with garlic bread, can’t wait! I can smell it and it smells so good :D

I’ve just been really lame and looked back at mine and Jason’s firts ever facebook messages. Right from the day he first sent me the friend request on 10th November; when he told me he had to add me because he thought I looked so amazing. To a week or so later, when he told me if he was kissing me he would be so into it, because he liked me, as much as you can like someone before even meeting them. And then the evening when we first actually met, on December 2nd. It’s so cute the way we spoke to each other, and right from day 1, literally, he was saying how good we are together. I think he genuinely loved me right from the start hehe

Ah I love him so much, he’s my life now!

Last night/this morning was short but sweet. I wish I got to spend more time with Jason :( All this waiting will be so worth it though. Only just over 8 weeks untill we get to spend every day with each other. I cannot wait. It will be so good, spending every evening with each other, and waking up next to him every morning. I can’t think of anything better :3

But anyway, as short as it was, spending time with Jason last night was very nice. We watched the match, then watched American Pie: The Naked Mile, then fell asleep. This morning was led in bed naked having loads of cuddles and kisses, untill I had work at 12pm.

I feel empty after he leaves :( It’s a horrible feeling. I want him back here now!

I must get slim again. It’s depressing me feeling chubby all the time.

If tomorrow night is going to be anything like last Saturday night was then I can not wait. It was so incredible. The best!